TheresaCaldwell.com

Domestic Violence - When You're The Friend

This is national Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It's a time when we focus on those who are abused or abusive within relationships that are supposed to be the most loving. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

This is also an opportunity to help those who find themselves close to abusers or abuse victims. Reverend Wanda Cleckley, Spiritual Director of New Beginnings Ministry, has some advice for them. She is my guest on Say It By Heart the week of October 13th. Reverend Wanda suggests that if you know someone who is abused or abusive, stay informed and loving. She also says to create space for the victim or the abuser to share. If you remain available, when those involved in the abuse are ready, they are more likely to come to you for help. That's right, abusers need help, too.

This is the third show I've done where some form of abuse was discussed. It hasn't happened to me, but I think too many of us wait until a terrible thing creeps into our homes before we act. This may as well be in our homes. When people in our families, workplaces or communities are diminished by domestic violence it diminishes all of us. We need everyone who can put two sentences together to bring their A-game to the situations we face today. We're dealing with economic uncertainty and wars. Many communities are struggling to keep their streets safe, improve academic achievement and make affordable health care widely available. If there's violence at home, that's energy that can't be used to help tackle those issues that affect all of us.

A home should be a haven, not hell. It should be the place where we are shored up before heading out into the world for whatever purpose. Let's all commit ourselves to creating that energy in our homes, even if they are not hotbeds of domestic violence.

Healing Father Anger

I believe that at some point every parent will make their child angry. I'm convinced that it's in the job description, wherever that is. You have to say "no" to things they want, set boundaries they'd rather you didn't and periodically throw out a "Because I said so" just to keep things interesting.

Interesting or not, parental behavior has an impact on children. When that behavior leaves scars on the hearts of children, anger and resentment can take hold and ultimately inform every aspect of the child's life. Even into adulthood. However, the angry child -- no matter how old -- can heal.

Adeyemi Bandele helps men and women heal their father anger. He shares his experience with his father and sons, and the road to healing others can travel, during our conversation the week of October 6th on Say It By Heart.

Adeyemi asks those who are healing to ask themselves some questions that may be tougher to answer than they think: What do I need to share? Am I ready? If so, what's the approach? If you want to heal your father anger, help someone else do it, or are a father yourself who wants to build a bridge between yourself and your angry child, you won't want to miss this show.