TheresaCaldwell.com

Plea To Prez Camps: Give Us A Break!

I'm certainly no fan of Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, but when I saw the new campaign ad for Senator John McCain today I was disgusted.

These young women, especially Spears, have suffered some serious personal challenges in the last year. It's unfair to rake them over the coals again for political games that they're not even playing. With one commercial, the McCain camp kicked dirt in the face of his opponent in the presidential race, Senator Barack Obama -- fair game -- as well as Spears and Hilton. The ad also implied that the millions of people around the world who think highly of the two young women, or at least follow their careers, are empty-headed. The party that once claimed to stand for "family values" is making fun of troubled, young female celebrities and, by extension, their own children who created them? What kind of values are those?

Give Spears and Hilton a break, and the rest of us. I thought Don Imus taught us that taking ignorant pot shots at young women who are just doing their thing is unacceptable? Yes, his offense was much worse, but Imus is back on the air. I guess high-dollar and political communication hasn't changed very much. Except for the fact that the ugly stuff starts earlier in political campaigns. Fellas, stick to raking the other guy over the coals by bashing his political positions, distorting his record and trying to turn words like "liberal" and "conservative" into epithets.

For the record, I'm an Obama supporter. I'd be twice as upset if his campaign had run that ad. He and Senator McCain can both exemplify change worthy of 21st Century leaders by making sure that we don't see more ads like this one, and getting the current disgrace off the air as soon as possible.

The Magic Of Music

Yesterday I volunteered, sweated and danced my way through Alexandria, Virginia's 2008 African Heritage Cultural Festival. The energy was great, the food was tasty and the performances by area young people were excellent. Opening with the powerful drums of Balafon West African Dance Ensemble and traveling the African Diaspora to the variations on jazz offered by the Mike Stephens Project and Phaze II, the music on the main stage was superb! The magic of music brought hundreds of people of almost every stripe to the festival in Old Town.

A jazzy and inspiring singer is my guest on Say It By Heart the week of July 28th. Changamire is making a name for herself in the Washington, DC Metropolitan Area as well as overseas. However, she still holds a "day job," is active in her community and maintains a loving marriage. How does she do it all and keep her musical dreams alive? During our conversation you can tell that on some days she's not sure how she holds it all together. She just keeps plugging away.

On those days when it is a struggle to keep your dreams alive find some music that supports you, a younger person who inspires you or an affirmation that you can set to a tune of your own. And just keep plugging away.

What You Tell Them

I rarely get a chance to listen to The Tom Joyner Morning Show after 9 o'clock, but yesterday was different.

I was having " one of those days" so naturally I was late heading into the office. As a result, I heard comedian D.L. Hughley praising his son's success in school. How wonderful! One of the things Hughley repeated was, "Kids believe what you tell them." He'd told his son that despite his challenges he could succeed, and he did. A positive message to start the day.

As adults, we believe what we're told a lot more often than we want to admit. And a lot of it is negative. However, yesterday I was blessed with a second positive message, but it was more challenging: "Running from love is a fall from grace." I think those are the words, because they were actually sung by Dan Reed. The words are from Reed's moving "The Dictator" on the  talented singer/songwriter/musician's upcoming CD Coming Up For Air. Keep your ears open for it this fall.

For much of the past 20 years, Reed was hitting charts and stages with the Dan Reed Network. The group brought stellar musicianship and vision to the rock world. Reed has traveled quite a bit since then, across the globe and his spiritual landscape. He has returned to music to tell us what he has learned from the journey, and that there is power in the stories we all live to tell.

What will you tell them today?

But I LOVE Him!

Or her. Love is what we often say is the basis for our long-term, committed relationships. Unfortunately, we can quickly get to the point where we'd rather be committed to an institution for criminals than the institution of marriage. And we can still be in love!

John Eckenwiler knows that it takes a lot more than love to stay in a marriage. In his book Shatterproof Your Marriage, the noted marriage and family therapist lays out several "key attitudes" that can help couples stay together. During my internet radio show Say It By Heart the week of July 21st, Eckenwiler even talks about how to have a fair fight.

Here are some of Eckenwiler's Key Attitudes:
*Be open to changing your values.
*Know your deeper needs and be open about them.
*Be humble enough to accept your partner for who he or she is.
*Be enduring in your love for others, giving the benefit of the doubt.
*Develop a heart that wants to be a good communicator.

Naturally, I really like that last one. Eckenwiler is such a good communicator that we had an entire conversation about his book and I didn't discuss its heavily Christian content. I was so drawn in by the book's practical strategies, suggestions and lists that I forgot about its Christian bent. The references to God, Jesus and Bible verses might give some readers pause. I hope they continue exploring Shatterproof Your Marriage anyway. It's got what couples of any stripe need to maintain their marriage.

Suddenly

Suddenly a car accident, heart attack, suicide or bee sting can take someone you care about. Life being what it is, if it hasn't already happened to you it will. Or, it will happen to someone who has an impact on your life like a friend or colleague. Then you have to figure out how you are going to go on living, or help your friend find meaning beyond the heartache.

Brook Noel and Pamela Blair have found meaning by helping others with I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye. It's a very helpful book for people who have suffered the sudden death of a loved one. I haven't had that experience, but I know people who have and like I said it could happen to any of us at any time. That's obvious by the variety of experiences included in the book, like the suddenly loss of a partner, sibling, friend or child. As a member of the world's biggest sorority -- women who have had miscarriages -- I found I could still relate to a lot of what Brook had to say.

Brook Noel lost her brother suddenly. He had a reaction to something they could never have foreseen. It's amazing how she can retell her story over and over again, but with a sensitivity for those of us who hear it. Despite the sad subject matter, she is a genuine pleasure as my guest on Say It By Heart for the week of July 14th.

Brook does not simply share sad stories during the show. She shares invaluable information about how a person may feel as they navigate the early years after a sudden death (yes, years), various types of support, and what those who want to offer support can say and do.

For example, if you or someone you know is trying to block grief with hurtful self-talk like the list below, I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye can affirm what you feel and help you move through it:

• It is wrong to feel anger at the deceased and it shouldn't be expressed
• If I acknowledge the loss, I'm afraid I will die too
• I should have died first
• If I grieve, people will think I'm weak
• If I allow my grief to surface, I'll go crazy
• If I cry in church, my fellow congregants will think I've lost faith
• The deceased wouldn't want me to grieve

The list goes on. I'd like to say I hope we never need Brook and Pamela's excellent, resource-packed book. But we will.

The Problem With Politics

I believe in government, and that it takes all of us to ensure good government. However, what we have to go through to get to government of any type can be tiring. I'm talking about politics. Sometimes just mentioning the word can give me the creeps, and I know I'm not alone.

During this exciting presidential election season, I admit to finding myself a bit weary at times. Incorrect information can stick to a candidate like dog poop in a sneaker tread, spouses are trotted before us and voted on like show dogs, and the backgrounds of campaign staffers and consultants are researched as if they're Supreme Court nominees. Of course, campaigns have always brought out the best and worst in us. So, how do we stay engaged through November -- and beyond? Fortunately, that's a conversation I got to have with bestselling author, activist and refreshing political commentator Keith Boykin. Keith, who is also editor of the online newspaper The Daily Voice, is my guest on Say It By Heart the week of July 7th.

Keith loves his side of the political aisle, but wants us all to move beyond "identity politics." I do, too. Party, paycheck, religion, race and rights debates seem to have forced us all into armies that are constantly at war. I'm for voting however we want to as long as we do vote, and treat those who differ on the issues as what they really are: fellow Americans.