TheresaCaldwell.com

Check Please

“Can you believe it’s already the end of the month?!”

I’ve heard several people say that recently. I’ve said it. Of course you know that’s one of the first signs of aging: time accelerates. It will always be Christmas “before you know it.” The good news is many people have a pay check coming at the end of the month. The bad news is that for increasing numbers of Americans the check will be gone before the next one comes.

No matter how old you are, or what time of the year, things can happen that force you to transition from the life you HAD to the life you now HAVE. You might see the “thing” that happened as “bad” (like your pay check’s loss of spending power) or “good” (like getting a job that pays bigger checks), but the transition is sparked just the same.

I have often said that the transition is the process which moves our state of mind from what WAS (what we had) to what IS (what we now have). And the sooner we get clear about that, the more empowered we will be as we go through it. I have a quick Check List that helps move me along: Reality Check, Time Check and Check In.

*Reality Check
The reality is, a change has taken place. Admit it! Stay present in the fact of whatever has happened, and that it marks the end of things as they were and the related fantasies. That’s right, fantasies. This is an excellent time to start a journal, written or recorded in some way, of what is happening and how you feel about it.

*Time Check
Understand that your internal clock will make the transition on its own schedule. It may take a couple of weeks or a couple of years. Honor this. The more major the change, the more you may need safety nets to hold you up for however long it takes.

*Check In
Tell people you trust that you are in transition, a period of adjustment to change. This is an important safety net. However, go over your journal. It will give you information that will guide you toward the person or people to Check In with. If you’re in a relationship, or close to people at work, they may ask what’s going on before you decide to Check In with them. Not every friend or partner is the right person to Check In with about particular parts of your story at certain times. Handle the ways that you Check In in ways that honor both you and the people you talk to. Try to remember that most people are asking because they genuinely care about you. In addition, their relationship with you is based on you being a particular “way.” If your way is changing, naturally they will feel uncomfortable in ways they cannot always describe.

So when a significant change occurs go to the list and check, please! Reality Check, Time Check and Check In. It’s a way of loving yourself when you may feel that nobody else does.

My Buddy

I tend to wait until later in the day to check out The Washington Post's Style Section. It's one of those personal reward things. And it was worth the wait today for a little piece on Buddy Guy's performance the other night at The Birchmere, a cool local spot to catch live music (which you can never get enough of).

It took me back several years to one of my favorite trips to Newport, RI. I was helping my friend Sue Auclair backstage at the Newport Jazz Festival. She was excited about seeing Buddy Guy. I'd heard of him, but my deadpan reaction was, "I'm not into the Blues." Sue just raced off saying, "You'll see."

I saw alright. The Post article's description shows he is still truly awesome, in every sense of the word.
And he's even older now! Back then it was raining cats and dogs on the outdoor day of music by the time Guy took the stage. After about a minute or two people forgot the rain. They stood clapping and dancing, and when he walked into the sopping and swaying crowd working that guitar it was pure magic. Even I, Miss Not Into The Blues, found myself twirling under a plastic poncho in the backstage mud. I had to call Sue to reminisce. Her amazing memory of the details of that day made me chuckle. I see: the Blues can actually lift your spirits.

Life's blues would be easier for all of us to take if accompanied by Buddy Guy's guitar.

The Blessings of the Archives

One of the best things about my talk show “Say It By Heart” on QTRadio.net is the archives. The show airs Mondays and Fridays at 1:00 p.m. ET, 10:00 a.m. PT and several times during the week. But life being what it can be, the show can still be hard to catch. No problem! Earlier shows are placed in the Archives.

I’m still excited by a lot of the earlier shows. “Say It By Heart” explores HOW we talk about the issues that matter most. The goal is for all of us to more effectively say who we are, how we feel and what we need with everyone from lovers and children to colleagues and customers. I have a lot of fun, am often touched and am definitely motivated by my guest authors and others who are committed to clearly communicating all that life has to offer.

Here’s the complete schedule of shows for March, followed by a listing of shows from the beginning of the year which are available in the Archives. Enjoy, and join me in the coming months!

Say It By Heart – March 2008

Week of March 3^rd: The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports that one in every four women in the U.S. will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. However, it is one of the most underreported crimes. Victims, those aware of their suffering and all people of conscience, can speak up. L.Y. Marlow, bestselling author of the award-winning book “Color Me Butterfly,” joins Theresa to talk about how speaking up is one of the easiest ways we can work together to end domestic violence. To find out more, and to join L.Y.’s campaign to strengthen domestic violence laws, visit her website.

Week of March 10^th: Naturopathic Physician Dr. Daemon Jones joins Theresa to share tips on ways to talk to your doctor, and loved ones, about health issues. That includes talking about how to make healthier food choices. Dr. Jones even shares health-promoting food finds from her book “Dae-licious: Recipes for Vibrant Living.” This sounds simple, but often it’s not.

Week of March 17^th: At some point, we are all trying to make the sale – either in our job, our own business or our personal life. High-energy sales trainer Che Brown shares how his 7 Secrets of Sales Superstars can help you, no matter what you’re selling.

Week of March 24^th: Death doesn’t take a holiday. At some point we will all lose someone who means a great deal to us, if you haven’t already. And that “someone” could even be a pet. We will also feel the need to comfort someone who is grieving. Grief expert Robin McMahon talks to Theresa about ways to live through periods of grief.

Week of March 31^st: Is it really possible to push back your fears and create space for the confidence, intimacy and joy that can make a real difference in your life? Absolutely! Bestselling author Susan Piver joins Theresa to talk about how, based on her 2007 Books for a Better Life Award Winner “How Not To Be Afraid Of Your Own Life.”

Say It By Heart – February 2008

Week of February 4^th: Listen-verb, to pay attention in order to hear. When was the last time you really paid attention, not just waited for your turn to talk? This show explores the importance of listening with Paul Heffron, a speaker, musician, singer and composer.

Week of February 11^th: Bestselling author and inspiring speaker Iyanla Vanzant joins Theresa for a conversation about anger, and how to communicate it – especially when you’d rather not.

Week of February 18^th: Dr. Grace Cornish, the author of several books including “10 Bad Choices That Ruin Black Women’s Lives,” talks about how one of the good choices you can make is to stop the negative self-talk.

Week of February 25^th: Hopelessness can become overwhelming. But it is possible to reach out from under its crushing weight, or reach in to help someone climb out from under it. This week, learn how from Empowerment Teacher Muhsinah Berry-Dawan.

Say It By Heart – January 2008

Week of January 7^th: Inspirational Entertainer Terry Nicholetti talks about how her life’s journey taught her how to communicate her many changes with those around her, and the power of living the old adage: Bloom where you’re planted.”

Week of January 14^th: Robert Pruitt, author of “Out of the Box: Sharing the Gift You Are With the World” on how “coming out of your box” can still be hard to share with those around you – even when you feel comfortable with your transformation.

Week of January 21^st: Dr. Jeffery Gardere, author of several books including “Love Prescription,” talks about how to talk your way out of a relationship of any type.

Week of January 28^th: Dr. Kenneth Condrell, author of “The Unhappy Child” and

Connie Hanel, co-author of “Demystifying and Deescalating Cyber Bullying in the Schools: A Resource Guide for Counselors, Educators and Parents” give us a fresh perspective on bullying, and how to deal with it.

Transition Time

From the time my son was old enough to understand, whenever we had a disagreement, I would say, “When you go away to college, you can do” whatever the activity in question was. So, him leaving home for college was never an issue. It was only a matter of how far he would go. I adore my son, but I believe that, when possible, young people should take the opportunity to spread their wings without the constant supervision of a mother hen. Or father.

Then he actually went away to college. I was so happy and proud! But on the drive home in the rented van with the broken cassette player, I broke down and cried. I knew it was one of the most significant changes in his life, but I’d never stopped to think about the fact that the same was true for me. It was an exciting time, but I felt … weird. How did a wonderful life change become a weird one? And it stayed that way for months.

Life is a chain of changes. Some of them are so “normal” and desired that we rarely address their impact: moving, getting sick then recovering, starting a fitness program, getting a raise and/or promotion, a child leaving home. Some are so significant that we can’t help but pause to consider them: a death in the family, marriage or divorce, a new baby, a serious illness, getting laid-off or fired, graduating, changing your spiritual practice. The truth of the matter is, ALL of these changes, and the many more that touch our lives, have an impact. They shift the life path we were traveling on.

Changes shift our life path because they are always endings, the end of life as we knew it. Then, whether we are aware of it or not, we transition into our new life. During our more significant transitions we will be acutely aware of significant emotional reactions, and it’s one of the few things we do on our own schedule. Some parents launch right into additional activities when their only child leaves home. It took me several months, and I was blessed by the counsel of friends and family who had already sent offspring out of the nest.

The good news is that every ending is not profound, every transition does not take months, understanding the transition process serves you your whole life and you don’t have to go through it alone. When it’s transition time, getting a coach or joining a coaching team is not a sign of weakness. Even those who brag about pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps never claim they made the boots. Like I told my son just before he left for school, “If God had meant for us to do most things by ourselves, there wouldn’t be so many of us here.”